Always
by FlashOfFlame
Summary: Snape meets Lily in the afterlife! Oneshot! Please read and review! Thanks, FlashOfFlame


**Always**

The man shuddered and woke up. Disoriented, he looked around. It was bright, and the man couldn't figure out where he was.

He looked down at his feet, and was surprised to find himself fully clothed. He cringed at the sight of the pure white robes on his body. He had always preferred the black ones he normally wore. He reached for his pocket, and was somewhat reassured to find his weapon intact.

His hand instinctively went to his own throat. He still remembered the feeling of the snake's fangs upon it. He withdrew his hand, and was surprised by the lack of blood. He was not where he thought he was.

He tried to remember the events before he'd blacked out. He remembered the fluids that had leaked from his body as he'd lain on the ground, suffering in pain. The red blood, oozing out of his neck. Pearly white tears, streaming from his eyes. And something more; the silver, shining threads that could've only been one thing. _Memories._

The last things he'd seen were the boy's eyes. His almond-shaped, green eyes. Eyes exactly like his mother's, whose eyes he'd last seen, all those years ago, full of hatred, anger and sorrow. The eyes he'd have given anything to show the innocence and camaraderie they'd contained before he'd done the unforgivable. He'd regretted that his entire life.

He blinked. He was sure he'd seen the eyes in front of him, again. But it couldn't be. He must be mistaken. He was thinking about them, that was all.

And yet, the eyes stayed there, brilliantly contrasted against the bright light, until his own eyes adjusted to the surroundings, and saw the person whom they belonged to. He gasped and stood up quickly.

A beautiful woman with dark red hair was standing before him. She barely looked more than twenty years old, and gave off an overall vibe of innocent playfulness. And yet her eyes bestowed no warmth as she stared at him unsmilingly. He simply stared back. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Lily?" he asked, disbelieving. His jaw dropped.

"Hello, Severus. It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Where are we?" asked Severus Snape.

"A place," said Lily, "Far, far away from where you came."

"But you're dead!" Snape couldn't help exclaiming. He felt unbearable pain as he said those words. It had been his greatest regret.

She smiled sadly.

"Am I dead, too, then?" he asked.

"Well, you don't get bitten in the neck by a twelve-foot long venomous snake and live to tell the tale, Severus," she said, and the familiar dry tone caused him to feel an incredible rush of emotions: happiness followed by guilt and sadness.

He looked at her with intense pain in his gaze.

"I'm sorry," he said, and he wasn't surprised when his eyes filled with tears. It had been nearly a year since that had last happened; when he'd seen her letter to one of his greatest nemeses at the old Order headquarters. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. I have lived with the regret of this horrible crime, and there hasn't been a day with me wishing that I hadn't done that. It's entirely my fault."

He stood there, his head bowed.

"Yes, it is," she said. He was stunned with the harshness of her tone. He had always thought that sweet, adorable Lily Evans was incapable of that particular emotion – but that had been before she'd ended their friendship, a memory which still sent shivers up his spine. "It was because of you that my son never got to know me and James," Lily continued, her voice caustic. "He spent the better part of his childhood at Tuney's; you knew how she was, Severus, how could you have done that to my poor baby?"

He couldn't think of anything to say while she reproached him. He merely looked at his feet; her remonstrance was hitting him like red-hot iron.

"How could you, Severus? I thought you were my friend; you said so yourself, so many times! And yet you joined the Dark Lord; and look where that got you! Fangs to your neck and a life devoid of happiness!"

He bore it silently; he had no other choice.

"Your behaviour was utterly despicable, Severus. Why did you loathe him so much? Why couldn't you have treated him like any other student? He has my eyes, how come they didn't remind you of me every time you looked at him? You could've been civil to him as a tribute to the friendship we once shared, but no-o-o! You just _had_ to be yourself, didn't you? Pathetic!"

He heard a new emotion in her voice; it was contempt. He felt very small and insignificant.

Lily was showing no signs of relenting. "It was because of you that I'm dead, Severus. James and I, we were meant to be. Harry's birth was the happiest time of our lives. Instead, only a year after that, we both died, thanks to you!"

Snape couldn't bear it any more. The emotions which he'd suppressed for so long were threatening to burst out of him. He forced himself to stand there and bear the pain of her words silently.

"What, did you think that the Dark Arts would make you some kind of an accomplished person in my eyes? Did you think you needed them to be worthy of my attention?"

He nodded in assent; it would've been futile to pretend otherwise. Yes, that was why he'd nurtured his passion for the Dark Arts.

"Well, that is ironic, isn't it?" She said, smiling mirthlessly, again. "We were friends at one point of time. I never felt that you needed to prove yourself to me. It was your own insecurity that resulted in your undoing, Severus!"

There was too much truth in her words for Snape to ignore. "I'm sorry!" he said again, pleadingly.

She softened. "But you sort of made up for it; at least partially, by saving Harry multiple times. I can only think about forgiving you because he'd have been dead if it hadn't been for you."

He looked up again. Her face was inscrutable.

"I understand, at least, why you did what you did. Why you went through all that danger. Why you spent all your years as reclusively as you did. And I hope, one day, that Harry will, too."

Snape found his voice again.

"You must understand, Lily, Dumbledore used me. I didn't know that he must die after all; I thought I was doing all of this for you! He tricked me! Your son _is_ going to die, and though I wish I were, I won't be around to save him again!" Snape said, his expression stricken.

"I know," Lily said quietly, " _Despite_ your best efforts, I might add. But even the best of us are unable to make things happen our way, right?"

Snape kept staring at her silently. He had tried to keep the boy alive for her. He had done it all for her. And yet, he had failed. The feeling of despair consumed him like fire. He looked up at her hopelessly. He was surprised to see the calmness in her eyes.

"Well, you did buy him some time," she said in a conceding manner. Her manner had become slightly warmer after her rant. He felt the mad rush of emotions once again, but this time, the guilt was less pronounced. She continued, "It was certainly due to you that he lived long enough to become what he has now. So brave, so loyal and so tenacious – that, after being raised by my sister," she said, with a distressed expression on her face. "I couldn't be prouder," she finished softly.

Snape looked at her, his expression unchanged. Before he could say a word, though, he spotted a sudden movement behind her. He instinctively drew his wand.

"Oh, relax," said Lily, rolling her eyes, "It's just James and Sirius. And we've been joined by another old friend!"

Snape lowered his wand and looked at the three men now standing behind Lily. James Potter. Sirius Black. Remus Lupin. They had been his biggest enemies in Hogwarts, making his life miserable to such an extent that he had spent quite some time hating them (and their memories, too) while he'd been alive.

The tallest of the three looked straight at him. Behind his glasses, his hazel eyes carried no warmth, but his gaze wasn't unfriendly.

He nodded once to Snape. An innocuous gesture. Snape hesitated before nodding back.

James Potter put his arms around Lily. "We have to go. He's calling us," he said.

"Yes," said Lily. She extricated herself from James and said to Snape, "See you in a bit."

Potter looked directly into his eyes and nodded to him again. "Snape," was all he said, though. The absence of the hated nickname from Potter's mouth startled him. "Potter," he said, nodding back at his old rival. He noted with pride how even his voice sounded; over the years, he'd gotten a lot better at hiding his emotions. Potter seemed to accept his nod as a gesture of truce.

Lupin nodded to him too, and he returned the gesture. He had nothing against the werewolf, after all.

"He's turned it once," said Black, ignoring him completely. "We must get a move on."

Lupin, Black and Potter turned and started to walk away, but Lily lingered.

"Lily," said Snape, "I have something to tell you."

Lily looked at him inquiringly.

"I have loved you all my life."

There. He'd said it at last. He had regretted not saying it when they'd both been alive, but he'd been able to do it now, in death…

Lily held his gaze steadily.

"I know. And I know about your Patronus, too. You certainly have a weird way of showing your feelings, though." The tone was dry, but his heart lifted at the twinge of warmth in her voice.

He tried again. "I still do."

"You still do?"

He nodded. "Always."

"I see. I have to go now, I'll be back soon," she said further, "And we can talk about it then."

"We?"

"Yes. When we return, you're coming with us," said Lily, starting to leave.

"Where?" he couldn't help asking.

"On," she said, simply.

"Come on, Lily," called Potter. "He's turned it a second time. We really have to go!"

Lily smiled at Snape for one last time before walking up to James.

Snape watched the only woman he'd ever loved walk away from him towards the man he'd hated, the man who had been her husband. And yet, he felt a sense of achievement. His regrets were gone. His life's purpose had been fulfilled, and he watched them all vanish one by one.

He sat there waiting for them, elated. He felt truly happy at last, and a genuine smile lit up his face. It had been the first time he'd smiled with real pleasure after that fateful day at Hogwarts, when he'd lost his only true friend who had, incidentally, been his only true love. He knew that she was still far from forgiving him, but he also knew that he'd redeemed himself in her eyes by his seventeen years of near-penance. He waited for her to return. There would be eons of time to discuss it all.

As he waited, a final memory came to him. It was Dumbledore, having just witnessed him cast a patronus. The old man's eyes were full of tears as he asked Snape, "After all this time?"

Snape smiled as he remembered his response – it was as if etched in stone. Some things never change.

"Always."


End file.
